I was a teenage fetish porn youtuber.

a story about 13 year old me accidentally posting fetish porn for my 271 youtube subscribers.

Reader’s note: This story talks about my experience with online pedophiles. I talk about it in a light-hearted way because it’s MY trauma and I can talk about it however I want.

The year was 2011, me and my cousin Emily were home alone scrolling on youtube when we came across a Shane Dawson video titled “Fred Is Dead”. We clicked on it, watched it multiple times, and thought it was HILARIOUS. For the rest of the day we quoted this video over and over again saying things like “Ew pubes!” “Do you know how hard it is to pee in your own mouth?” and other obscenities around her house. Both of us were homeschooled and had no idea what any of these things meant until later that day my mom caught me saying “EW PUBES” to myself and was mortified.

Both of my parents were pastors, so hearing “EW PUBES” coming out of your 11-year-old son’s mouth was probably the last thing my mom wanted to hear. She immediately reprimanded me and told me I wasn’t allowed to go on Youtube anymore. So from that point on, Youtube was my dirty little secret.

From ages 11-13 my days would consist of watching youtube videos on the family computer and then immediately deleting the search history to hide my tracks from my parents. Smosh, Ijustine, Shane Dawson, *redacted*higa, and Jenna Marbles were in my constant rotation. Most people nowadays need Youtube to eat, but back then I needed Youtube to LIVE. One day I found an old disposable camera in the junk drawer and for weeks would sit in my room pretending to make youtube videos with a camera that didn’t even take video, I was OBSESSED.

My entire life changed on my cousin’s 12th birthday. She was gifted a hot pink ipod nano 5th generation by my uncle. I was excited and jealous, but when she flipped it around we both noticed that it had a camera on the back of it. Not just any camera, a VIDEO CAMERA! And in that moment we had an immediate unspoken agreement about what was going to happen next.

We treated Youtube like it was a 9-5, We would film our lives 24/7, and most of the content never even got posted cause we had to beg one of our older siblings to edit the videos for us cause we had no idea what to do after the video was filmed. Series like “Monkey Man”, “Princess Girl”, and “Max and Voilet” took up most of the 16GB on her ipod. We constantly had to make sacrifices because of the storage. “Should we delete episode 3 of Princess Girl or episode 7 of Monkey Man?” was a reoccurring argument. Sadly our Youtube career got cut short when her ipod got stolen at a local amusement park called “Quassy”. It was a tragic day, we cried for hours.

About a year later my Grandpa had gifted me a laptop for my 13th birthday. I immediately experienced a sense of freedom that I had never had before. My very own laptop, I finally was able to youtube in PEACE. I had used this laptop for about 3 days and then suddenly realized something, my laptop had a webcam. WE ARE SOOOO BACK.

I took a different approach during my second attempt at Youtube stardom. I stepped down from sketch comedy videos to focus on being a “personality Youtuber”. Most of my videos were challenges, tags, and copy and paste of whatever O2L was doing at the time. Each video started with the typical “Hey what’s up you guys welcome BACK to my channel!” and ended with “DON’T FORGET TO SMASH THAT LIKE BUTTON!”. I was obsessed more than EVER and hungry for internet fame. I was uploading EVERY WEEK and no one could stop me, but I quickly ran into a problem… my parents knew about my videos this time and I had to follow a very serious set of rules: no swearing, bad-mouthing, sex talk, or doing anything that could put me in danger. At first, I was devastated and thought to myself “Lohanthony talks about anal sex and we are the same age?? WHY ME”. But that didn’t stop me from posting consistently.

I remember the day I hit 100 subscribers. I put mint chapstick under my eyelids and uploaded a video titled “Thank you for everything” where I pretended to cry tears of joy while thanking my subscribers, even back then I was a fake ass bitch. 100 seemed like such a big number but I found myself constantly yearning for more. I was speaking into the void, and most of my videos got 30-60 views, until one day I got a DM that changed everything. “Hello Ian! I am a big fan named Cassandra.” I felt instant gratification, everything I had been working towards was finally happening. MY VERY FIRST FAN! I continue reading the message “im 9 and next week is my birthday. I have cancer :( and it would make me so happy if you did a special challenge in honor of my birthday”. At this point, I was surprised I didn’t get a personal phone call from the Make-A-Wish Foundation to make little Cassandra’s dreams come true of meeting her idol, ME. But I figured the least I could do was make a Youtube video for her special day.

Cassandra: There’s a new challenge going around called “the Egyptian footstool challenge” these are the rules: You get 1 friend (preferably a boy your age) and you have him get on his hands and knees, then you put your feet on his back and wiggle ur toes for the camera for 4 MINUTES STRAIGHT. its a lot harder than it sounds!! can you do this for me?

at first, I was confused. “why is this challenge hard?” I thought to myself. But before I could even think about the logistics I was on the phone with my friend Ethan saying “COME OVER TO MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW. I HAVE A FAN. SHE HAS CANCER. AND WE NEED TO MAKE HER A SPECIAL VIDEO FOR HER BIRTHDAY.”

So that’s exactly what we did. I propped my laptop up on a chair, my friend got on his hands and knees, and I wiggled my toes like my life depended on it. 2 minutes in I felt weird, but this was for Cassandra! “What if the cancer gets to her before I upload this video?” I thought to myself while pushing through. That night I uploaded it to Youtube, titled it “EGYPTIAN FOOTSTOOL CHALLENGE FOR CASSANDRA” and kept it on private until I was ready to hit upload in the morning (even at 13 I was worried about the algorithm).

The next day I hit upload and didn’t think much about it. I went about my day and around 6PM I had checked back in to see how the video was doing. I was SHOCKED to find out my video had over 1 THOUSAND VIEWS!! I was ecstatic, my life was about to change forever, “I’m a real Youtuber!” I thought to myself. But as I started reading the comments I was getting confused. One user said “I like the way this little boy wiggles his toes! It gets me excited hehe” Another one said, “I wanna massage his feet 😊”. The comments about my feet were weirding me out, BUT WHO CARES? IM FUCKING FAMOUS!

For the next 3 weeks, I had more cancer patients lined up than St. Judes children’s hospital. I was suddenly MASSIVE in the cancer community and the requests for videos just kept coming in.

“Hello im Alex and I have a brain tumor! please wiggle ur toes and lick them for me”

“Hello im Sally and I have breast cancer :( you should stick ur toez in cream cheese :3”

“hey its sam… I just found out i have cancer… AGAIN! please have ur friend lick pudding off ur toes!”

In those 3 weeks, my content went from “what’s in my bag tag” to “How many toes can I suck on” FAST. I was a foot fetish content MACHINE and the fans couldn’t get enough of it. My life was dedicated to foot content and I was on a mission to make sure my fans were satisfied. They loved me, I was a star in the feet community, and I thought it was my ticket to Youtube stardom. That was until one day a user by the name of “Daveyboy337” ruined it all. I received a DM from him that was titled “hard on for toe boy.” I opened up the message and was immediately shocked by the image that was attached to the message. “WHAT IS THAT?” I thought to myself. “WHY WOULD HE SEND ME THIS?”. I was in TERROR. He left a message attached with the photo of his penis that read “keep on showing ur toes kid! It gives daddy a big hard on”.

In that moment I quickly put 2 and 2 together. “CASSANDRA WASN’T REAL?” I screamed, “ALEX DIDN’T HAVE A BRAIN TUMOR?” I felt violated and bamboozled. I started going back and deleting all of my foot fetish content in TEARS, not only because old men all around the world were jerking off to me. But because I had to delete my Youtube videos with the most views I had ever gotten. In the end, I somehow swept this all under the rug and my parents never found out. My first video back was a video titled “no wifi challenge” and it got only 47 views.

I continued to make Youtube videos for 10’s of viewers for the next 2 years until I finally gave up. But in 2019 I decided to give social media another chance, I ended up gaining a decent following and now the only reason I have a full-time job and can live a comfortable life is because of social media and I didn’t even have to show my toes. SO FUCK YOU DAVEYBOY337 I HOPE U DIE!

~ The End <3